For many years now, whenever I rebelled against the queen, she would always try to end the argument by saying, “You’ll understand when you have kids of your own!!!” I consider this a parent’s cop-out when they can’t win an argument against their kids and more or less, throw down the desperate-attempt-for-a-victory card. Other examples of this are, “I’m your mother [or father] so I’m right and you’re wrong”, “You’re just a kid, you can’t understand this”, and “You’ll understand this when I’m gone.” Anyway, recently when she would say that to me I would respond with, “I’m not going to have kids.” She thinks I say that to be spiteful, but then once I give her my reasons and sees that I am dead serious, she then tries to convince me why having kids is a great thing.
Anyway, why not have kids? Personally, I don’t see the point in having kids. Maybe it’s because I’m young that I see it as troublesome rather than a good thing. I know many people who are around my age that have two or three kids. I look at them and think, “I’m so glad that I’m not them.” Are they happy? Sure, they are! I’m happy that they’re happy. So why am I glad that I’m not them? Well, because I have my dreams that I’m chasing after, there is so much I want to do with my life, live out my youth, explore, adventure out, figure out the world, and figure out my place in the world. If I had a child, I would have to put all of those on hold. A child has a life. It has needs. Being the person that I am, I would put my theoretical child before myself and then before I know it, I will have no life of my own. I know there are tons of amazing women out there who are mothers and still do so many things, but I really think I wouldn’t be one of them.
Another reason is because I am a person who came out of a family of poor parenting. As I have mentioned before, I can recognize good parenting, but the reality of it is that old habits die hard. If I had a theoretical child, I can guarantee that one day the things that they queen did and said to me I will use against this theoretical child. Then, when that happens, I would hate myself for acting in the way that I told myself I would never act. In that case, why not just end the vicious cycle where it is? Then in my childless state, I could help my friends who I know want children later on in life, to understand their children’s point of view. Since often times parents don’t look at times from their child’s perspective and vice versa. I would enjoy this sort of interaction with children more than having children of my own.
Back when I was tutor, I was well loved by the children I taught. Yet, I realized that I lacked a lot in being a tutor/teacher. In short, I was and still am quite the pushover. I had the hardest time punishing these children and because of so, some of them didn’t take me seriously. (Though as a side note, they didn’t take me seriously in terms of doing what I told them, but they were very comfortable in running to me if they got scrapes or cuts.) I wasn’t around children much growing up, so I severely lacked the know-how in dealing with rebellious children. I, personally, wasn’t even rebellious until I was what? 18? 19? and even so my rebellious self isn’t exactly rebellious in the normal way. My rebelliousness, I feel is as threatening as a cotton ball. Anyways, the point is, I understand that if I took classes or read enough books, I probably could handle these situations perfectly, but at the same time, I have to be honest, I don’t have the motivation for it. Hence why, it’s best for the world that I am not a K-12 teacher or a mother.
When it comes to money, I think to how much in a lifetime I would save if I didn’t have a child. No diapers, no formulas (because I am lactose intolerant so there is a chance that my children will be as well), no having to buy supplies, etc. I know this makes me sound like such a scrooge, but need I remind you, I am a recent college graduate that is soon to pay back a huge sum for student loans. Spending money right now while I’m still rather FT-jobless feels like my life is being sucked away.
“It’s just because you haven’t really fallen in love and found that special someone. What if your future husband wants kids?” Why would I want to be with a man who wants to have kids when I don’t? That spells out trouble from the get-go. He thinks he can convince me. I think I can convince him. A billion better reasons for us to break-up and in the end, it’s because we thought we could convince the other, but couldn’t. At the same time, what makes being love equivalent to having kids? Honestly, I consider myself not fit to be a parent. Tons of people I see are not fit to be parents, yet they are parents. Think for a moment, since when is a child, teenage or even an adolescent, fit to be a parent? I would imagine tons of hardship for this child-turned-parent and then if the their children are lucky, then they’d turn out okay. Yet so many people who are not fit to be parents become parents and then they bring children into the world to live sad and horrible lives. Being somewhat part in that circle, I can tell you, it’s not fun.
“Having a child is proof of the love you have with the One.” Alright, so when you and “the One” break up, the child is then the proof of how you once loved each other and now hate each other? Thanks for putting that burden on your child. I’m sure she or he will be resentful later on in life, so don’t be surprised when that day comes.
I could keep going on, but I’ve already gone over a thousand words so I think I should wrap this up. In short, I am not mother material. Tons of women are not mother material. It happens. They and I should be able to say “no” to motherhood without getting debates from anyone. If one of us is convinced and then ruin a child’s life, would these people who tried to convince us take the blame? I highly doubt it. In the end, it’s all on us. If you don’t think that you are mother (or father) material, I suggest that you opt out rather than try to prove yourself wrong and ruin someone’s life. It’s not a game, it’s someone’s life.
As a parting note, I do want to make it clear that I’m not against women or men being mothers and father, respectively. I think that the people who should be parents are those that are mentally, financially and physically stable while having a good mindset of how to be a great parent. Why bring a child into the world if you cannot support it in every way? For those that can and can give a child a wonderful life, more power to you.