So as of yesterday, I finally finished that course in Meditation. It was nice until… age maybe 14 or so? I just lost interest. It started out great. The basics was definitely what I needed to hear and I felt good about meditating, but once day 13… 14 hit, that was supposed to be the more I guess “Intermediate” level of thought or “profoundness” and even at the end of the course when they reached “Advanced”, I just found myself resisting.
It’s weird to me. I’ve always been quite found of spiritual things and becoming enlightened, and yet, here I was resisting to something spiritual and enlightening. I know I was wrong to feel that way, but at the same time, I suppose I was so excited to learn something new, something so profound and then… it fizzled. After taking some more time to think about things, I finally came to terms that I spent most of my life in “meditation” or self-reflection would be the better term. All these profound thoughts to meditate on… I had as a tween, teenager and in my early 20s. Back then I had toooo much time on my hands and too many hurt feelings to feel that I spent countless nights laying there in bed reflecting on life. I suppose you could say that it’s something that comes naturally to me.
To add fuel to the fire, Rei sent me a book to read – one that her cousin raved about saying that it changed her perspective and it was so enlightening. After reading through 40% of the book, I had to be honest with Rei that I already knew all of this. I could even pinpoint the year and the moment when I had those epiphanies, even what lead to it. So then it made me question, does the average person just not reflect on their lives and how their actions affect other people?